Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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