you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
