Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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