The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
