You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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