matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
