I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
