it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
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There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
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And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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