I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
