I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
