i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
How does it feel to date your dad?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
