my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
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I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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