need another drink. this is the easiest way
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
