Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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