oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
