We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
