You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
