I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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