There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
