i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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