they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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