Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
