It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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