dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
