you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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