I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
