please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
