"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
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you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
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I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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