I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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