high people should be assigned attendants
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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