I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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