i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
