I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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