A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
