you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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