it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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