The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
