Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
