Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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