woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
