Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
