I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
