I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
How's work?
Spinning.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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