Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
