somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
