So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize