So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
