Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
