I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
