I'm going to jail i love you
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
