All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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