dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
