would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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