mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
