ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
