Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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