The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
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I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize