Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
