i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
