that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
