Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
