You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
