Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
