every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
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IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
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We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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