you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
