Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
