I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Banned from zoo.
Again?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
