I wish i was in the wii world.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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