Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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