Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
