I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
