3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
