Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
