I've blown a few things in my day
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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