I could make wine with my vomit
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
