I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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