I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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