You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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