He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
