so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
