he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He passed out mid-signature
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
